Following the permaculture convergence I mentioned in the last edition, I dropped down to LA and reconnected with my sister for a few days. Even though we don’t live near and rarely see each other, we have a wonderful, loving and supportive relationship. It’s the kind of thing that, no matter how long it’s been since we last talked, we can always pick up where we left off. I’m blessed to have people like this in my life, especially my sister!
Here we’re creating community, and that means figuring out how to really relate with other people, tearing down our conditioning so that we can truly see each other & communicate. I’m reminded of an experience I had years back as member of a women’s business network. Because of early life experiences, I’d become conditioned to be wary of the pretty/popular girls and this had created a subconscious stereotype in my mind equating pretty/popular with unkind/dumb. So here I was in a room with a bunch of pretty, popular, intelligent, successful and kind business women. I found myself befriended by women I would never even have approached based on my past experiences. It was very freeing as the restrictive walls of this early conditioning came tumbling down over time (I later was elected president of this group). Lowering these walls, I was able to relate to many more people. But I had to be careful not to build another equally limiting stereotype equating pretty/popular with intelligent/kind.
It’s hard setting aside mental associations and stereotypes when we meet people since most of these are subconscious. I try not to assume anything about a person by their appearance or speech with one exception. The one thing I do assume is that people are essentially good and have tremendous potential. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I leave my car unlocked with my wallet sitting on the front seat. It means that when I meet someone, I try to do so without stereotype or pre-judgement and I give them the chance to demonstrate who they are. Does this sometimes backfire, yes indeed! I’ve learned that some people are very good at acting and turn out to be the opposite of what they portray. This has taught me to listen to myself more closely and cut them loose more quickly. I don’t need negative people in my life, and especially not those bent on self-aggrandizement.
I think that if we can whittle away our stereotypes and other conditioning, we’ll end up with a more childlike ability to discern. Before we fill them with external do’s and don’ts that muck things up, very young children can tell good versus ill intentions. Frequently if a baby doesn’t want to be with someone there’s a reason for it. We should learn to listen to them – and try to restore that discerning ability in ourselves.
So, why these musings? A breakdown in communication and a situation where hasty and arbitrary judgements were made about me have me looking at my communications, expectations and assumptions. In both cases, I can see everyone’s conditioning got in the way. Looking deeply, I found good intention and people clearly working on their stereotypes and walls. Personally, I learned to triple check my assumptions because there were things I could have clarified sooner. And I’m learning to overcome another of my walls – fear of confronting others, but that’s another story.
Oh, in the last edition I promised to talk about the PDC. This time around there’s two people here on site doing the combo online – on-site iPDC through the Integral Permaculture Academy. Because it’s a small group we’re doing it at a slower pace and letting the concepts sink in. Next year we’ll hold the course quarterly – click here for more information.
Aquí estamos creando una comunidad, y eso significa averiguar cómo relacionarnos realmente con otras personas, derribando nuestro condicionamiento para que podamos vernos de verdad y comunicarnos. Me recuerda una experiencia que tuve años atrás como miembro de una red de mujeres de negocios. Debido a experiencias tempranas de la vida, fui condicionada para ser cautelosa de las muchachas bonitas/populares y esto había creado un estereotipo subconsciente en mi mente que equiparaba linda/popular con antipática/estúpida. Y aquí estaba en una habitación con un montón de mujeres de negocios bonitas, populares, inteligentes, exitosas y amables. Buscaron hacer amistad conmigo mujeres a quienes, basado en mis experiencias pasadas, nunca me hubiera acercado. Fue muy liberador ya que las paredes restrictivas de este condicionamiento temprano se derrumbaron con el tiempo (más tarde fui electa presidente de este grupo). Bajando estas paredes pude relacionarme con muchas más personas. Pero tuve que tener cuidado de no construir otro estereotipo igualmente limitante equiparando bonita/popular con inteligente/amigable.
Pienso que, si podemos deshacernos de nuestros estereotipos y otros condicionamientos, acabaremos con una habilidad más infantil para discernir. Antes de llenarlos de los “SI”y “NO” que estropean las cosas, los niños muy jóvenes pueden discernir las intenciones buenas de las malas. Frecuentemente si un bebé no irá con alguien, hay una razón. Debemos aprender a escucharlos y tratar de restaurar esa capacidad de discernimiento en nosotros mismos.
Entonces, ¿por qué estas meditaciones? Una ruptura en la comunicación y una situación en la que se hicieron juicios apresurados y arbitrarios sobre mí me hacen ver mis comunicaciones, expectativas y suposiciones. En ambos casos, puedo ver que el condicionamiento de todo el mundo se interpuso en el camino. Buscando profundamente, encontré buena intención y personas que claramente trabajan en sus estereotipos y paredes. Personalmente, aprendí a verificar mis suposiciones porque había cosas que podría haber aclarado antes. Y estoy aprendiendo a superar otro de mis muros – miedo a la confrontación, pero esa es otra historia.